Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
