Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The uberlube is also flammable
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
