i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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