Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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