well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
