Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
