one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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