I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
