There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
