you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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