ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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