Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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