Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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