she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
