Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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