So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
