We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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