Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
