I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I believe in your delicious
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
