Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
