You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize