Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
