i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
