pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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