sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Boobs speak an international language.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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