I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
