thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
