That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
