I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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