I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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