last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
