i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
