He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
