i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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