did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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