3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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