i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
