just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
