I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize