I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
