ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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