There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
