i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
