No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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