I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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