Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
