Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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