I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
