I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
