On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
