the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
