We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's never too late to be topless.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
