What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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