I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
