her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
