we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
