Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
