i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
