I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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