I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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