you didnt know i had herpes?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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