I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize