sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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