Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
