I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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