I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
